The right state of your mind

ETA: You know how people will tell you that you deserve better? What if you don't? I am consistently getting shit thrown into my face and I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know if I believe in karma, but something has recently happened that reinstated my possible belief. Anyway. How do you know what someone deserves. I know I shouldn't have gotten the shit end of the stick in this case. However, insecurities get to people and sometimes things don't make sense. Like this post. Nobody will get it. I don't even get it.

And another thing I'm not too fond of. I feel like a substitute. You know, like one of those girls that you hang out with until something "better" comes along. I don't know what the fuck you expect, but in most of the cases with these guys, they won't be better.


I'm also tired of being self-conscious. I don't want to be constantly paranoid that people are always looking at me, but it happens I guess.

Can you be addicted to second-hand smoke? I think it's happening. I'm not going to go smoke my own, but being around smokers and the scent is relaxing. I'm truly fucked up.




I've been writing haikus. Most of them are pretty funny. Let me know if you'd like me to write you one.

I'm pretending I'm not in Israel right now. You leave drama, you get drama.

This Is.

I've been listening to Aslan again, but it sucks because I only have one of their live albums. It's so easy to listen to and it's so mellow. I need to get my hands on more of their albums.

For the plane trip, I've planned to take some paper and pens with me. I want to write while listening to music and seeing if I can come with any kind of inspiration. I also want to get more into writing haikus. I think for every picture I take that I think would be appropriate for a portfolio, it will have an accompanying haiku.

I've been having horrible insomnia. A lot of things are haunting my thoughts and I wish they would stop. A couple of good things though. Keith is (hopefully) going to be in LA sometime this summer. I want to take him to see the Dark Knight and go ice skating. I'm also going to apply for a job at a car dealership.

I'm leaving in a day and I'm still nervous as shit.

A little known fact about myself: I enjoy lying in bed with the phone by my ear and talking until I fall asleep. Just listening to someone else breathe when they're not next to you is completely magical. I used to do it with Dan, but now I don't get to do it.


I ALSO FEEL DISGUSTED. AGAIN.