ETA: You know how people will tell you that you deserve better? What if you don't? I am consistently getting shit thrown into my face and I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know if I believe in karma, but something has recently happened that reinstated my possible belief. Anyway. How do you know what someone deserves. I know I shouldn't have gotten the shit end of the stick in this case. However, insecurities get to people and sometimes things don't make sense. Like this post. Nobody will get it. I don't even get it.
And another thing I'm not too fond of. I feel like a substitute. You know, like one of those girls that you hang out with until something "better" comes along. I don't know what the fuck you expect, but in most of the cases with these guys, they won't be better.
I'm also tired of being self-conscious. I don't want to be constantly paranoid that people are always looking at me, but it happens I guess.
Can you be addicted to second-hand smoke? I think it's happening. I'm not going to go smoke my own, but being around smokers and the scent is relaxing. I'm truly fucked up.
I've been writing haikus. Most of them are pretty funny. Let me know if you'd like me to write you one.
I'm pretending I'm not in Israel right now. You leave drama, you get drama.
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I wonder if I deserve so much of what happens to me, and I wonder the same thing about other people, too... especially lately haha. Good stuff seems to be really rare, so expect something INSANELY AWESOME soon, dearie. You're too great to deserve any of this stuff.
What I've come to the conclusion that is life doesn't make sense. It hurts, and people get a lot of things they don't deserve, whether those are good or bad.
Maybe there is this big confusing power working on all of our lives, and maybe the bad things are just there to make us stronger. Nobody truly knows, but you've got to have faith in yourself, and know that you deserve so much more than you got.
Lol and about feeling like a substitute, I've felt the exact same way, mostly because I don't believe the stories about it just ending because of school. It's worse when there's absolutely no conclusive reason, but that was just a stage in your life... a very short one. Us girlies fall too hard, and it hurts, but you'll find someone who deserves you 100%.
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