Three.

I just got home from Party 2.0. It was one of those things that you build up in your mind to be amazing, but it ended up being horrible. I was consistently trying to avoid a couple people because I was too afraid to talk. I was scared that if I would say anything, I'd start to cry again. I had to run from people offering their shoulder because I know I couldn't handle it.

I just called my mom to talk to her about what's going on because I hadn't spoken with her in a week. She barely listened and didn't seem to care much about what I had to say. I ended the conversation with "Oh, great! Well, I'll talk to you maybe in another week or month or so." Didn't phase her. She said a quick okay and goodbye. It was a slap in the face to realize that maybe she did care about her boyfriend more than her kids. He's visiting from Korea, where he's been teaching English, and he has to leave in another week.

I called my dad to try to figure out what was going on with my mother. He said that she probably doesn't care about much else than her boyfriend currently. I got to talk to him about this past week and I cried again. He told me just to take care of myself and not to worry about too much. I just need to put my mind elsewhere for awhile and just live for now. That's what Kevin was telling me I need to do as well.

So now I'm at home and listening to my roommate's giggle, which is probably the most annoying sound I've ever heard. That, and her coughing. I cannot wait to leave here.

Two.

I went to a party on Saturday. I'm generally not a huge fan of parties because it's hard for me to go out and be best friends with someone for a night while being intoxicated. However, the one on Saturday was awesome because I knew every single person there. It was a goodbye party for one of my coworkers who was moving back up north. I'm good friends with a lot of my coworkers but I've only seen a few of them a couple of times outside of work. I was invited to go to this party and I was ecstatic. I wasn't afraid to let loose and be myself. It was easily the best party I've ever been to.


Yeah, that's me looking like a complete badass. Re: Loser.

It was weird at first though, considering a lot of the people that were there were either my manager or lead. I got invited to another party this Saturday and I'm already excited.


I tried this stuff called Boone's. It's incredibly cheap, but it tastes no less than incredible. It was blue though, and I kept thinking it looked like Smurf blood. If Smurf blood tastes that good, I'll have to go kill some Smurfs.

One.

Sometimes I can't sleep unless I write or type out the thoughts that are whirling around in my head. I've had some interesting bouts of insomnia lately. It has all been related to the future that I've heard so much about. In high school, my teachers would say that this would help us in our future and our academic career. I think that if it could, academics would fire me. I've passed a grand total of one out of seven classes this year, when prior to it, I had never failed a class. I made a large mistake of where I wanted to go after high school. Everyone else was going to college and it seemed like the thing to do. I want to be in school, but not at the college I attend currently. The mentality of the students is incredibly poor and it seems like second rate education. I don't want second rate. I want dedicated teachers who are there to teach the dedicated students. Me. I want to be dedicated to something. I am thinking about med school, but I'm not sure of the details. I know I love science and I love helping others.

But anyways, I took a picture. It looks like it was taken with a film camera , but it's entirely digital. It's out of focus, like myself.


I went to a party this weekend with my coworkers. I drank alongside my managers that I saw the next day. I have not had this much fun in a long time. This is how i want to live my life. I want to be surrounded by true friends and just enjoy everything that goes on around me. I'm going to be very happy when Kevin moves here so I can have him meet them. He's been a huge inspiration to me, and I'm incredibly lucky to have him apart of my life.



I think I'll be able to sleep now.